M/s Corner - What Role Does Punishment Have in a Master/slave Relationship?

Matthew

There is vast variety in what people seek from relationships, and I am not inclined to state that any one way is better than any other. That said, I don't need nor want a punishment component in my relationships. Service freely offered means that my slaves will do their best to please me and follow directions without the threat of punishment. For many people the give and take of disobedience leading to punishment is a large part of their dynamic. Many Domestic Discipline, Dom/sub and some Master/slave relationships incorporate a punishment dynamic and I don't mean to imply there is anything wrong with that if that is what gets the participants hard/wet. After all, this is about what each individual finds fulfilling and there will be as many varieties of that as there are relationships. However, If a slave constantly disobeys there is something fundamentally wrong with the relationship. Rather it is time for some serious communication about the dynamic. Why is the slave misbehaving? Are directions unclear? Is the slave acting out to fill some need that isn't being met?

Early in my relationship with kelly I used punishment when she was particularly endangering herself, but that was before our relationship had evolved into Master/slave. Her desire to serve and ability to punish herself when she has failed renders punishment from me unnecessary. We still have an S/m component in our relationship but punishment is not the goal.

Discipline can be defined as an activity, exercise or regimen that improves a skill. As an accomplished pianist I can point to discipline as necessary in working to develop those skills. Protocols, rituals, journaling and affirmations are all forms of discipline that help to reinforce the mindset of the slave. It is my belief that discipline is a much more effective tool when it comes from within a person rather than from outside coercion.

Lastly, if someone does not want to be a slave, no amount of discipline or punishment is going to change that. Conversely, if someone feels the calling of a slave heart, punishment and forced discipline is unnecessary in the presence of loving and caring guidance.

kelly

There are as many kinds of relationship dynamics as there are individual people living as Master and slave. There is a lot of variation on how and if punishment is used, or not, amongst those people. In my relationship I can say that punishment is not something I find I need or desire in my life. I seek to avoid such repercussions at all costs. I'm an overachiever as it is and far too eager to please and obey. If I do something that doesn't meet Master's standards and get that look over the top of his glasses that says, "I'm not pleased," then I mentally beat myself up. I don't need anyone else to do that. This may not be a common reaction, but that is just how I am. I've heard some other slaves comment that they are the same way. There are people, however, that find punishment is something they crave. For some it creates a hot scene while for others they feel it is what they need to feel forgiven.

I will admit that many years ago I was punished on a couple of occasions. For me, receiving some form of physical punishment vs. doing the same thing for pleasure are two different experiences mentally. Somehow knowing that I am receiving for his pleasure or receiving because of his displeasure each creates a different feeling in me. Punishment makes me feel extremely sad and disappointed in myself for letting him down. I dislike this so much that it's been at least seven years since I received any form of punishment. It's best to be on my best behavior!

I think we both learned from that experience so many years ago that punishment, while it certainly changes my behavior, also creates a profound negative feeling in me which is something neither of us sees as beneficial. Punishment and discipline can have the same meaning for some. While discipline can be a form of training that corrects behaviors, I prefer to think of it as something that comes from inside a person. Everything I do is a choice that I make and only I can control the outcome. I am here as his slave by choice and eager to please my Master. I have made a promise to him that I will obey. I trust him to not set me up to make my obedience to him something that I cannot give.

My advice would be to talk to each other about what would work for those involved in regards to punishment and its uses. It can be a slippery slope for some, a land mine for others and yet exactly what another individual may need. Of course you may not know until you experience punishment yourself, but always make sure to communicate.

Master Matthew and slave kelly live in the Redwood Country of far Northwest California. They have been together for 10 years in a happy, healthy Master/slave relationship. Send comments, questions and topics you would like to see addressed in future columns to mastermatthew@kink-e-zine.com or slavekelly@kink-e-zine.com