Kink in the City

It's a Nice Place to Visit. I Just Don't Live There Anymore

Bottoming, hell even submitting. I love that feeling of the whip biting through my flesh. I treasure those moments when a dominant grabs me by the hair and pushes me down to my knees, my eyes glazing over in a trance. And God damn it do I cherish those times when I feel the tears beginning to well up, that lump forming in my throat, and finally, the delicious rush that comes with letting go. I want it. I cherish it. And yes, sometimes I need it. Sometimes. It's a nice place to visit. I just don't live there anymore.

I gave myself a year. A year of remaining consciously single. As in no romantic relationships or serious commitments. I knew that I had some heavy debt going on. I knew that I had to fix my not so stellar kinky credit score. Did I do this for myself, first and foremost? Yes. However, I also knew that if I wanted to become a Master to another someday, I needed to make sure that I could master myself. So that is what I began to do.

So now, now I am considering moving on to a new residence, people. My new home would reside on the dominant side of town and no one is more surprised than I that I am finding myself looking in this neighborhood. And I have to admit, this new potential home of mine feels a bit scary and more than a little daunting. I keep asking myself, would I belong there? Would my new neighbors like me? And most importantly, can I afford the rent? Because you see, in this kinky girl's humble opinion, dominance comes with a very high price tag and I had better make sure that I have the currency to shell out before renting the U-haul and permanently moving in the dungeon equipment. Decisions had to be made. Decisions that could not be taken lightly.

And oh, let me tell you folks, what a difference a year makes. A lot has changed for me over the course of my remaining consciously single. One of the most important things is that I no longer fear being alone, feeling like I need someone to make me happy. Instead of waiting for that special someone to appear so that my life could begin, over the last year, I got a life on my own. I discovered what my passions were when I stopped trying to find someone to be passionate with. Quite simply, when I stopped looking for another, I found myself in the process.

One of the main things that I found was that today, I no longer identify as a submissive. It's a nice place to visit. I just don't live there anymore. There is a certain level of sadness that comes with that. I did quite a bit of grieving throughout the year. For what and who I used to be. There were, and still are moments, when I miss that person. Even as this new part of me continues to emerge and grow stronger everyday. And that's okay. One of the things that I learned over the year was that I can tolerate sadness and grief and loneliness. It has been a very valuable lesson. And really, how can I expect to manage the emotions of my submissive if I cannot even master my own? How can I possibly provide an environment of structure and safety for someone in a sea of my own emotional chaos? I won't lie. This took some hard work on my part and it wasn't easy.

Now, now my fellow kinksters, my search begins. I have moved over to the other side and am now ready for that special girl. Because I know who I am, I now know what I am looking for in another. It has now been three months and nineteen days since my official date of remaining consciously single has ended and really, I am in no rush to find my submissive. I have every faith that she will appear. What matters is that I have created a safe and loving home for her, with a strong foundation and one that she deserves. And when the time is right, I will welcome her at my doorstep with open arms. When the time is right.

Does this mean that you will not find me at a play party, enjoying the whip biting through my flesh, my eyes glazing over as I am being grabbed by the hair and being pulled down to my knees, loving every minute as I feel the delicious rush of letting go? Hell no. I cherish those moments. The bottoming. The surrendering. Because like I said, it really is a nice place to visit. I just don't live there anymore.

Be good to yourselves people. And to each other. Because it is a rough world out there. This world of kink in the city.