Switching It Up: A Personal Journey

After two years in the community, and any number of experiences from both the top and the bottom's perspective, I still haven't solved one of the core dilemmas of switching – the difficulty in satisfying both sides of myself equally. I seem to have a knack for finding bottoms to play with but can almost never find a top to satisfy my own need to bottom.

That said, I love play as either top or bottom, and when I top I thoroughly enjoy every moment of causing pain and pleasure; it always makes me happy to have someone squirming under my hand. However, I do become envious of them. I see how much fun they are having and my craving to bottom becomes stronger.

Whenever I go out, to dollar stores, hardware shops, and Halloween stores, I always seem to find a new toy to add to my bag. However, when I do, I tend to think more of having them used on me than of what I can do with them. I pick up an object and I the first thought is not "This would get a good rise out of a bottom" but "This would feel amazing (on me)."

All of that said, I know that while currently I crave the experience of bottoming, I can also imagine a future point, when I've gotten to experience all these toys used on me, that I will feel the same longing and sense of unbalance, with the craving now for opportunities to top. For me, it seems that the plight of a switch is to never be satisfied with a role and to always see the greener grass on the other side of the play space . . . in the bruised bodies and full toy bags of other players.

So, how to address this dilemma? First and foremost, speak up. Tell partners what you need – you might be surprised at who is actually willing to switch with you, even if you'd thought of them primarily as a top or bottom. Failing that, tell the world! People may have pigeonholed you into one role because that's what they've seen you do (I know that since I top a fair amount, many folks may not even know that I want to bottom). Speak up more, post on FetLife, and otherwise put it out there. Sad but true, there seems to be a bit of a gender bias in our community, where men who switch are still seen as primarily tops. Challenge that assumption!

Finally, make the most of what you have. When I do bottom, I play hard, knowing from experience that it could be months or longer until the next time I get to bottom – so I savor every strike as if it were my last. Indeed, any top I play with has their work cut out for them. Cherish these moments, talk about them, and see your circle of potential partners grow!