Bringing Up Bondage

Revealing your interest in rope bondage can be nerve wracking, especially if you have no idea what your partner's reaction would be. Even people who are "into bondage" vary in their interests. Therefore, it helps to try gauging your partner's desire before popping the bondage question, let alone their cherry. Here are a few tactics for feeling them out, so to speak.

Rent movies that feature bondage scenes and see how your partner reacts during the kinky action. Does your lover scowl, scoff and go postal (or Pentecostal) at them? Or do the juicy parts make your partner's parts juicier? Maybe you can even hint a little by hugging a bit tighter or even adding a "That's hot!" under your breath. A few mainstream movies with bondage scenes include: Le Serpent (2006), Hard Candy (2006), Casino Royale (2006), Secretary (2004), The Notorious Bettie Page (2005), Quills (2000), Preaching to the Perverted (1997), Exit to Eden (1994), Tokyo Decadence, a.k.a. Topazu (1992), Story of O (1975), Romance (1990), After Hours (1985), Streets of Fire (1984), Maitresse (1976), Thunderbolt and Lightfoot (1974), Ginger (1971), Eugenie: The Story of Her Journey into Perversion (1970), Sweet Ecstasy (1961), The Fortieth Door (1924), The Red Girl (1908), and thousands more.

Get a little feisty when you're in a romantic mood. If you're the tying type, try a little mild aggression during the heat of passion, using your hands to hold down your lover's wrists to the bed or against the wall as you make-out like high school kids. If you're on the submissive side, grab on to something and don't let go. Try removing a belt, neck tie or scarf. Use it to playfully restrain your lover – or throw it around a railing, bedpost or chair to hold yourself down while you're being ravaged. Observe the reaction you get.

Tell bondage anecdotes about people you know, if you know folks in the scene, or even make up intriguing tales. Recite these stories in a playfully gossipy way. "So this woman came into my work today with a big smile on her face and what looked like rope burns on her wrists and rug burns on her knees!"

Make suggestive or witty remarks with a bondage theme. For example, when your partner complains that traffic was really tied up, respond coyly with, "Ooh, lucky traffic!" Look for other opportunities to express your piqued interest about bondage (or test your partner's open mindedness) whenever you see bondage themes portrayed in magazines, billboards, TV shows, and more.

Openly place bondage books on your shelf, coffee table or night stand. You could also try posting mildly bondage-oriented photos or comments on your online social networking profiles. You don't have to say anything. Just wait. Eventually, your partner may notice and say something flirty (or run away screaming).

Next month . . . it's time to get down to business. Once you've raised the topic of bondage, and gotten some inspiration, it's time to show each other the ropes . . . literally!

About the Author

Danarama is a lifelong fetishist with two decades as an active dom, including the last dozen years as one of the world renown Two Knotty Boys rope bondage workshop duo, with which he has co-authored two best-selling bondage instruction books, Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes and Two Knotty Boys Back on the Ropes. Creators of many instructional videos, Dan has personally taught at international bondage workshops and appeared in countless live performances. His rope bondage rigging has also been seen adorning models in the work of world renown fetish photographers including Larry Utley, Eric Kroll, Z. Maitri, and on numerous bondage web sites including KenMarcus.com, Hogtied, Society SM, and many others.