Tom “Zed”: The McGuiver of BDSM

Whether you’ve had the chance to meet him or not Tom “Zed” has been a long-time member of the Bay Area BDSM scene: a Janus member since ARPANet days, before the Internet and before e-zines: consulting for Kink Inc: playing privately & publicly in venues here, moved or just gone; delivering workshops at community conferences; a member of Dungeon Monitors Association (DMA) since its inception.  With this longevity and experience Tom Zed continues to explore others and himself in kink relationships long and short, most mutually satisfying and some naturally not. 

These days Tom is probably most visible as one-half of the Battery Boys, the other being Uncle Abdul: electrical-play maestro and author of the book “Juice”. Together they draw on their broad backgrounds and endless perversity exploring new pathways to “bliss actualization” as Tom likes to call it.  In 2002 Tom conceived his first DYI remote-control TENS Toy and the Battery Boys commenced delivering hands-on classes seeing hundreds learn about, construct and walk away with their own fun, cheap and functional remote TENS toy. Even more sophisticated and value packed units have evolved since Tom’s early “B-1”. Tom is presently experimenting with new concepts in fucking and sucking machines.

I found it interesting to learn that Tom lives with Asperger Syndrome (AS) bringing particular challenges to his life. Mindful that our community reflects a natural diversity in which most of us recognize ideals of acceptance, tolerance, inclusiveness within our framework of RACK and Safe-Sane-Consensual I encourage you to learn about AS in the side-bar article at the end of this interview.

Thanks for taking the time to do this interview.  Let’s start at the beginning.  When did you start playing?

My first real play experience was at age 5. My family lived in Manhattan and I talked my then babysitter into putting me into a girdle and spanking me. This actually became a recurring thing with us; I thought how lucky I was to have someone to play such games with. I continued with the spanking theme and often found myself played innocent spanking games with kids my age. I don’t recall anyone not enjoying play.

What first got you interested in more formalized BDSM?

When I turned 14, a friend who just happened to be the son of a psychiatrist, lent me de Sade’s Justine and Juliet.  I enjoyed how the SM played out in those significant works. It seemed to establish a mythological sense. I feel that I was heavily influenced by my father. He was a New York lawyer running his own law firm. He encouraged discussion and logical debate. I saw a perverse logic in de’Sade writings and this was wonderfully appealing.

When I got to college my dominant side emerged.  I did lots of tying and play with crops with ever so willing partners.  It was also a chance for me to explore some aspects of a feminine self: a compartmentalization maybe, arising from my fathers “strong alpha male” influence in the family.

How did you wind up in the Bay Area?

I was working for a firm in Queens NY that involved business trips to San Francisco and Silicon Valley companies. I ran into a great friend from my college days and not only could he offer a position with his employer but he also invited me to share his SF Marian apartment. It was an opportunity I was ready to take.

What attracted you to electrical play?

One of childhood activities was blowing up capacitors!  I’ve also always liked the smell of melting flux and creative potential of electronics.  My interest in electricity comes from a very practical source.  Like many kids in my New York community I played hooky, often during school hours and away from school. On hooky days I made it a habit to disconnect the phone ringers so there was no chance of a Truancy Officer pursing an inquiry by phone with my mother!

My career and interests have always involved electricity.  It seemed natural to combine electricity and BDSM play.

What is it about electricity that you particularly like for BDSM applications?

The female body lends itself to some delightful electrical play possibilities. Its fun to watch a submissive women’s response when I say “You know I can make you cum for as long as I’m willing to pay the PG&E bill”. Always consensual of course. As Visa touts, “the look is priceless”.

The male body presents different opportunities, of course.  One can use an anal insert or apply a stimulating current to the base of the penis or the prostate but I’ve found it to be an acquired taste for most. It’s a unique sensation after all. You can certainly make a guy cum with e-play though whether he enjoys the process or not is something else. There are lots of options.

Aside from the sensual sexual focused approaches, electrical play can of course be used as an effective form of discipline. One of the few, in fact, that can be taken out of the bedroom in into public places.  Public flogging will likely always be frowned upon in contemporary society but creative and subtly applied electrical play can occur in public with little to no chance of attracting the attention of the general public. One of the few safe, fun and effective forms of play you take to the streets.

What were your first electrical scenes here?

I joined the Society of Janus way back in 1991.  I had a female friend and playmate who was known as Crazy Susiz*.  Forgive me but at that time Janus probably represented an oppressed minority and the social comfort we see in the community today had yet to evolve. A player with “Crazy” in their title was quite something. In our relationship at the time she was an owned slave 5 days of the week with 2 days of freedom. Crazy liked heavy play. A pain slut who liked edgy play. She was loud and she was liked to manifest obedience. Despite this reputation I could always manage to her silence her mid word, bring her to her knees, whimpering, before she knew what was happening. All from creative application of electricity. I found people began to take interest in electrical play when they witnessed such response from someone they new and loved. I also recall that people took great interest when I started to incorporate butt plugs into my electrical play. There weren’t too many people doing this kind of play at that time.

When did you meet Uncle Abdul?

I first met Unc at my Society of Janus orientation, which just happened to be held in his very basement on that occasion. Though we didn’t connect directly at that meeting I did notice some books on his shelves that suggested we might share some common interests.  Five years latter Unc is returning to San Francisco following time overseas and happens to see a post of mine. At that time I have a spare space to rent and had posted on a BDSM list service. Unc was very interested and approached a paralegal friend to draw up a tenancy agreement.

When I was presented with a multiage document I found myself thinking about my very first impressions of Unc and this prompted me to approach him in a direct and friendly manner. In short some quick email exchanges established a “Gentleman’s Agreement” Unc was living in my home and that was the beginning of a wonderful association.

How did you come up with the idea for Battery Boys? 

I was inspired in large part by Damien of Bunny Floggers.  I attended one of his flogger making classes. I even won the buffalo hide with which to work! I found that the DIY experience manifested another layer of delight. It got me thinking because I had always wanted to help others understand and hopefully enjoy electrical play. One of the Battery Boys key aims is to make electrical play accessible and affordable.  For one thing most electrical toys are not cheap. Given our respective knowledge around electronics we are able to conceive capable toys far cheaper than mainstream commercial units and the DIY approach gives those who attend our classes a richer experience. Unc does a great intro to electrical play and safety as an element of most classes.

You identify as switch.  What is your favorite kind of scene as a top?  As a bottom?

Back in the old days we switches had a bad rap. People thought that you really had to be one or the other: Either top or bottom.  Attitudes have improved over time.

When I am topping I like doing scenes with newbies because where else can you find that sense of power and ability to mold?  Newbies have so much raw potential. They are often coming out of years of repression…if you do a good scene with a newbie you get this very gratifying sense of trust and you have the joy of taking them somewhere new, safely. It’s exciting to be “someone’s first” as they are exploring exciting new sensations for the first time. I love the energy from a bottom when you really have them “flying”.

I love to bottom to a Domme:  a powerful woman who can be a total bitch and at other times sweet. I like diverse play and I’m not afraid of a little blood.

You mentioned that switches used to be much more marginalized in the past.  What other changes have you observed in your years in the community?

That question brings to mind a story about an old friend of mine.  Despite a long and close friendship, a man I knew from college had never expressed an interest in kinky activities to me even though it was revealed later in life that we were separately but concurrently active players and practitioners.. It’s a statement regarding the cultural mores of the time. BDSM was very much more closeted back then and you really had to be careful who you shared such personal information with.  Times change, society evolves and there are good healthy communities everywhere now.  Though people are much more out now I still think people need to apply cautious about what they make public.  It depends on person context. Once you put something like that in the public domain, on the internet for instance, it’s accessible to anyone and everyone and can be difficult to retract if one changes their mind.

Is there a scene you haven't done yet but want to try?

I’m working on designs for effective male masturbatory devices. I’d also like to setup a scene involving say two ErosTek 312 units, such that each player “controls” the other.  I think this would be an interesting scene because it removes the sort of typical power exchange we have come to expect.

Did symptoms referable to your Asperger’s syndrome ever come up as problems in childhood?

Absolutely! For instance, I was frequently blamed for altercations in the schoolyard. No one really new about AS back then. So there I was, a kid who couldn’t recognize or process a lot of what other kids were communicating to me. Some kid thinks you are weird. Things happen from there. When you are different life can be a little harder, particularly as youngster at school. It was often very confusing and distressing for me.

Another complicating factor came from the fact that I was adopted at 6 months. I always felt a degree of isolation. Such feelings didn’t get better when my parents divorced: getting a divorce was something much rarer in those days.  I was the only kid in my whole school whose parents were divorced. In retrospect it felt like Asperger’s Syndrome squared!

When did you get diagnosed with Asperger syndrome? 

With respect to my age it was only recently, about 5-6 years ago

What prompted you to be evaluated for the diagnosis at this point in your life?

It just happened. By sheer serendipity I heard about AS on a PBS radio broadcast and it seemed to have some relevance.  I read more about it and then asked a clinician friend.  He had been thinking about me and AS and had been waiting for the right time to talk about it.

How do you think Asperger's syndrome affects your play?  Your relationships with Play Partners?  Has it been a benefit?  A burden?  In what ways?

Well I would willingly trade 20 IQ points for 20 EQ points.  It would certainly make relating to people easier.  But like many others with AS I have developed thought processes to map out a ways to deal with interpersonal situations that don’t intrinsically make sense to me.   It works out pretty well but when I get stressed it becomes harder to be present and aware of these self articulated methods. It requires considerable energy to look for the things others receive and process automatically.

In play situations it hasn’t really been a problem, particularly when topping. People with AS may have a tendency to objectify others according to many bottoms this can be a desirable trait in tops..  The fact that I can really focus on something and typically speak in very non-ambiguous terms (both characteristics of AS) helps me give directions and really monitor whoever I am playing with.

Despite that, I can’t say that AS is really a benefit for play either.  I like to use the analogy that “If human communication is visual, then I’m colorblind.”  I can see what is going on but subtleties and nuances are often difficult for me to pick up.  Often people just expect someone to “get it”, to just know, but some things just pass me buy. I can appear in some circumstances insensitive when the fact is I just didn’t get it. I have occasional trouble with confidence in social settings. Like most people with AS I don’t cope well with teasing or mocking. As another analogy: teasing someone with AS is about as difficult and thoughtless as tripping over a blind person for a laugh.

How many other people with Asperger's do you think there are in the BDSM community?  In public play?

Who knows? I can tell you that 1% of the population is estimated to be born with AS and in my age group about 80% are woman and 20% men. So maybe about .5% of those we encounter have AS. AS individuals are said to make good scientists and engineers, making Silicon Valley a likely AS epi-center!

I sometimes think the BDSM community offers some comforts for AS individuals given that relationships can involve clear protocols and rules that may be adhered too and learned.  Folks with AS might actually seek out communities with defined social hierarchies and potentially “skewed” notions of social desirability.  For instance, for someone people in our community the skill with which someone throws a single tail or dominates another may be more important than general “likeability.”  AS folks also have the ability to really focus on something which may drive up the mental impact on potential subs/bottoms in a scene.

I have to ask…why do you like the descriptor “The McGuiver of BDSM?”

I can pretty creative when it comes to constructing or doing quick repairs with stuff like Crazy-Glue, Gorilla-Tape and Velcro. These things can even find a creative place in play! Only limited by ones imagination.

Thanks for taking the time for this interview.  Any parting thoughts?  When will the next Battery Boys class be?

Keep in mind that many people may have undiagnosed AS that they are not even aware of.  If someone you meet in the scene or even vanilla life comes across as cold or clueless, keep in mind that they might not actually have the ability to understand subtle cues.  A degree of understanding and direct communication may help to solve potential problems before they become serious.

Stay tuned for updates on future classes.  We’ll be posting them about so if you have an interest in making affordable and exciting electrical toys we have a lot to share with you.

What Is Asperger Syndrome (AS)?

Named after Austrian Pediatrician Hans Asperger, AS is one of the autism spectrum or pervasive development disorders. First described in 1944, a standardized diagnosis for AS was established in the 1990s. Unlike people with autism, individuals with AS tend to have normal or above average intelligence.  They do, however, contend with impairment of social skills and communicative ability. AS individuals experience difficulty detecting and interpreting non-verbal communication such as facial expressions, eye movements, eye contact, bodily gestures and vocal inflection: aspects of critical interpersonal cues that most of us use, recognize and process accurately without much thought.  Difficulty with recognition and processing of these subtle nuances of communication makes it a challenge for people with AS to function in a social setting.

Some AS individuals exhibit restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior, a narrow range of interests for instance. In conversation they may be perceived as verbose and dominating with regard to topic. Socially the AS individual can find themselves perceived as anything from narrow-minded, boring, awkward, bombastic, geekie, or cold. However, people with AS are able to understand feelings and emotions when they are expressed literally. AS can be devastating to social development and success. However, with an awareness of their condition most AS individuals can develop mental “scripts” to help them deal appropriately with typical communication.

Those with AS are considered clinically on a spectrum from low functioning to high functioning.  It appears to have some genetic component, as sons of men with AS seem to be at higher risk. AS is also thought to arise from environmental factors in pre-disposed children. Interestingly, women with AS often display a remission of symptoms from age 30, believed to reflect female brain characteristics, involving greater brain plasticity and holistic function. Therefore, in the over 30 age group AS affects men to a much greater extent.

With respect to BDSM play, most people with AS (including Tom) are able to utilize their mental scripts to play safely and to appropriately recognize and handle potential dangerous situations.   One certainly won’t find Tom and many otheres with AS ignorant to the appropriate handling of the submissive dangerously overextended in their adrenalin-high. He and others might, however, fail to achieve “Mr or (Mrs.) Ubercool” status should he be presented with some challenging communication. The SMAC munch once proclaimed Tom to be “The Kinkiest Person Everybody Knew”. Not bad for someone with AS.