Register Here..
http://www.regonlin e.com/Checkin. asp?EventId= 153414
 
Exceptional, extraordinary, unimaginable...all define Black BEAT's unique Conference experience! We wouldn't want you to miss this year's Wild West Kink Adventure. This BDSM Conference & Play Weekend will be August 14-17 in Maryland. Everyone is invited!
 
Care to join us for a day or night? Friday or Saturday passes are available! You dare not want to miss the educational workshops with A List presenters, fine dining, or our private play party at one of
DC's premiere dungeons,  The Crucible! 
 
Be apart of this Wild West Kink Adventure by purchasing your pass TODAY! Day passes are limited to the first 50 people.  Act Fast- Act Now!!
 
Day Passes
 
Friday or Saturday $85.00

 

* One (1) Meal,
* One (1) night of private dungeon admission
* One (1) day admission into all workshops/demos
* One (1) Vendor Market admission,
* One (1) Souvenir booklet

* One (1) Personalized registration badge, and conference materials.

 
Dungeon Only Passes
Friday or Saturday -$35 or 2 Day pass
( Fri & Sat) $60 per person


Join us for one or two nights at our exclusive private dungeon party at the famous Crucible dungeon in Washington, DC. Doors open at 10:30pm and close at 11:30pm. The party will end at 2:00am each night. Passes will NOT be sold at the door, and must be prepaid through the BB Registration system. 

 
Please note: No other BB event's come with this pass.
 
 Full Registration 

$165.00

* Meet and Greet Social & Banquet
* Two (2) group dining meals (Friday evening, Saturday lunch)
* Two (2) nights of private dungeon admission
* Two (2) day admission into all workshops/demos, vendor market admission
* One (1) souvenir booklet & personalized registration badge, and conference materials
* After Parties, Free shuttle service to and from the BWI airport or train station to the host hotel.
* Exclusive Invitation after the conference to the After Glow Party hosted by Ms. Max Rulz.

 

Conference Questions:
Registrar08 @BlackBEATInc. org
 
Volunteer 8 & 4 Hour Positions Available until July 25:

http://www.blackbea tinc.org/ volunteer. htm
 
 
*Please cross post*

 


Basic slave / submissive Etiquette,

By Master Wise

Basic slave / submissive Etiquette,By Master Wise


This basic primer on public etiquette for sexual submissives was first composed in 1997. I was inspired to write it by letters from submissives who wanted advice on codes of behavior at club events and when addressing dominants they didn't know very well. So I set out to provide some basic guidelines on the common practices and rituals you'll see among SM couples in public play spaces.

Since then, I have received a fair number of email pointing out that different couples do it differently. For example, one submissive woman wrote to say that her dominant is courtly towards her and holds doors open for her-- even though conventional etiquette would dictate that the sub do such things in service to a Dominant.

For the record, then, I acknowledge right up front that this etiquette guide isn't a bible but a primer. Naturally, each Dominant sets His or Her own rules. Following the etiquette suggested on this page doesn't make anyone more or less of an SMer. This guide simply describes general codes of behavior which most "scene people" would agree are acceptable, and possibly quite desirable. It is not an authoritative protocol. It is a helping tool for those submissives who need basic information on how to behave in public scene settings.

Meanwhile, in response to the constructive criticisms that people have offered, I just revised the guidelines, adding some new tips and deleting old ones that sounded too absolute. I've expanded it a bit as well, to put it in a larger context.

Finally, it's worth mentioning that I am not a stickler for rules except the ones I set myself. Indeed, I am not even dogmatic about my own rules: they change according to the needs and capabilities of my partners and the SM dynamic that evolves between us.

I hope that this guide helps you in your journey and I encourage you to "follow the beat of your own drum". Modify these rules to suit your own style of play or invent your own. Have fun with your SM. And, of course, play safe.

Theory of submissive Service:

The basic principle of submissive service in a public setting can be summed up in one word: Attentiveness.

Your behavior should reflect your attentiveness to the Dominant's needs and desires at all times. Your role is to serve those needs and desires. Is your Dominant about to light up a cigarette? Is your Dominant's coffee cup empty or has the coffee grown cold? Does He or She need a chair to sit on? Does your Dominant have special needs (physical challenges, dietary restrictions)? It is your job to ensure that the dominant's comforts are served by making any and all appropriate arrangements to make the Dominant's life easy.

Similarly, it is your joyful task to demonstrate, through your attitude and demeanor, that the Dominant's needs come first. Your ability to devotedly serve your Dominant is a standard by which others will judge you AND your Dominant. Not only will your attentiveness please your Dominant but it will impress those you meet both with your Dominant's power and your submissiveness. In other words, you will be a submissive who a dominant is proud to own and one who others will believe is worth ownership.

Some submissives mistake their ability to take a heavy beating as the proof of their devotion. Certainly, it can be a highly erotic type of service to endure heavy pain for your Dominant, but what about all those moments when your Dominant isn't "doing" you? Are you as good a slave to Her (or Him) during the quiet moments as you are when your Dominant is giving you what you crave?

The following guidelines will help you to convey to your dominant and others that your wish to serve is sincere.

Rules of Public SM Etiquette:

1. Call a Dominant by the title of Her or His choice (e.g., Mistress, Ma'am, Master, Sir, etc.) If you don't know what His or Her preference is, ASK!

2. Don't lunge at a Dominant, stand too close to Him or Her, or thrust your hand out in greeting. Wait politely until the Dominant greets you or initiates a handshake.

3. You don't need to act like a mouse but it is respectful to periodically lower your eyes in deference to the Dominant.

4. The only person who has the right to give you orders is someone to whom you have consensually surrendered control. If such a person gives an order, an appropriate response would be, "Yes, Sir" or "Yes, Ma'am."

5. When an order is given, do your best to comply immediately. If the order pushes a limit, either use your safe word (if you have one), or tell the dominant that you are having a problem and need to talk to him or her.

6. If a Dominant wanna-be tries to order you around, an appropriate response would be, "I have not consented to this." Anyone who tries to pressures you into service or tells you it is expected of all submissives should be avoided.
Basic rule of thumb: if someone is rude to you, you are under no obligation to be polite to them, even if he or she is a Dominant. Clearly He or She is not a good one.

7. Open doors for the Dominant and wait until She (or He) passes through before following.

8. Have a lighter or matches handy so you can light a Dominant's cigarette or cigar. If the Dominant does smoke, discreetly empty the ashtray every so often.

9. Offer to fetch a drink for the Dominant. Keep an eye on the Dominant's beverage glass and offer to get a refill whenever it is empty.

10. Offer to carry the Dominant's coat, equipment bag, or other cumbersome object.

11. When standing beside your Dominant, make sure to stand just behind his or her elbow, so that the Dominant is slightly in front of you. (Note: some Dominants may require that you kneel in attendance.)

12. Do not assume you may take a chair beside your Dominant unless She or He has already discussed this with you. Wait until your Dominant tells you where to sit. If the Dominant gives you no instruction, politely ask where she or he would like you to be.

13. Avoid starting requests with phrases such as "I want" or "I need." Instead, ask for the privilege by starting with: "May I please" or "Mistress/Master, may I have permission to...".

14. If you are in a club or at a party, never bolt away from your Dominant's side or give the impression that you would rather be anyplace else but next to your Dominant. If something exciting is going on which you are dying to watch, or if you see people you know, ask permission to go.

15. No matter how attractive another Dominant may be, when you are in the company of your Dominant, control yourself and do not flirt or otherwise express untoward interest in someone else. Even if you are not yet collared or formally owned, if you wish to become owned, you will significantly reduce your chances by acting shallow.

16. Always remember to say "thank you" for every privilege your Dominant grants you. For example, if you've received permission to do something, do not charge off like an animal just released from a cage. It gives others the impression that you couldn't wait to leave your Dominant's side.

17. Do not argue in public with your Dominant. If you are genuinely upset about something which cannot wait until you get home, ask your Dominant for permission to discuss it privately and out of earshot of the crowd.

The Society of Janus

"Top Ten Mistakes of New Dominants",

By Norische


Every new Dominant is sure to make a wide variety of mistakes, sometimes the mistakes are merely inconvenient, sometimes they are dangerous, and sometimes they are simply stupid mistakes we all make when we are new. Honestly, there is no way to avoid making mistakes, even if someone does tons of research or even has hands on training, until you have real time experience mistakes will happen, even then there is no guarantee. Mistakes are made by assumption, ignorance, and lack of experience.

As time goes on one learns ones abilities, and limits... one also learns the fine art of Domination. It isn't something that is learned over night or that just suddenly happens, Domination is an art form that must be learned in stages.

There are some rather common mistakes that many have made, and if you are aware of these mistakes or misassumptions then you may be able to avoid them, and make your journey along the path to being a Dominant a smoother less hazardous route.

"I am Dominant hear me roar."

This is the attitude that many new Dominants take when they enter into the lifestyle. This individual is basically a walking ego, they assume that simply because they claim to be Dominant that they are the biggest and baddest in the herd, what they don't realize is that they are just another pup waiting for big dogs to acknowledge them and throw them a scrap.

"Me Dom, you slave."

This is where a lot of new Dominants find themselves slipping for the first time. Just because they are Dominant does not mean that every slave or submissive out there must bow and kiss his or her boots. Respect is something that is earned, it cannot be commanded or ordered.

Men are Masters; females are slaves.

There are some schools of training within the BDSM lifestyle that do indeed believe that the all males are Dominants and all females are slaves/submissives. However, I must point out that this is only one or perhaps two schools within the vast variety of those that are present within the BDSM realm. Do not assume anything, or label someone as being Dominant or submissive until you have verification from the individual, better yet don't label anyone at all.

"It's ok I have Dommed on line for years."

This is a very big mistake that new Dominants make. Just because you have played Dom on line does not mean you know what to do in real time. I may have read a lot of medical books but that doesn't make me a surgeon. There is a lot of difference between saying "I tie you to a chair" and actually knowing how to secure a square knot. No amount of on line experience will ever match good old fashioned hands on experience.

Bigger toys make better Doms

Again another fallacy, the toys do not make the Dominant. I have to admit there are a lot of things out there that I would love to have, and yes I do have one or two things that are quite expensive if I had to replace them... but when it comes down to it, what good is a $300.00 Australian whip, if I don't know how to use one.

"Wimp! You can take more than that!"

One thing that frustrates me quite a bit is a new Dominant that lifts a flogger but has no idea what it feels like. I tell everyone, never use something on someone else unless you have had it used on you first. I told this to a new Dominant one time and he made the comment that

"No real Dom would ever let anyone hit him."

Personally I think it is only logical to know how something feels, and how to handle it before you attempt to use it on someone else. One needs to know if a flogger is thuddy, or stingy, whether it hits hard, or soft, whether it wraps or if it has a controlled fall... these are just a few of the things that one needs to know before one attempts to use it on another. Like my father used to say "A true craftsman knows his tools as well as he knows himself."

"It's my way or the highway..."

Some Dominants feel as if they are flexible that they are weak. Flexibility is not a sign of indecision or weakness; it is a sign of being open minded and intelligent. One can always be open to new possibilities and still be firm in your beliefs. All you have to do is remember to listen to all possibilities, consider all options and then make your decisions wisely.

"It's all about the sex."

This is one fallacy that it doesn't take long to shatter. Let me just say this, if it is all about sex then you do not have a slave or a submissive you have a lover. Yes sex can add a great deal of interest to a relationship, but there are many wonderfully successful BDSM relationships in which sex is not a major part, there are even some relationships in which sex is not an issue at all.

"HI Joe! How's your slave?"

Ok... let me say this... it is never cool to out someone. This again is a common mistake that new individuals make, they assume if they know someone then it is ok to say "Hi". Unfortunately, within this lifestyle, unless you are at a BDSM function, it is never appropriate to mention in public things that are better left in private. Some individuals have a morality clause with their occupation, and if you just happen to walk up to someone at the bank where he or she works and start talking about how you loved the fire scene they did the other night, you may very well get that person in trouble... perhaps even endanger their job. So keep private issues private, and do the polite thing... wait to speak until the other person initiates the discussion. Then follow that person's lead, if they keep the discussion cordial but not personal then do the same thing. Even if you have known the person for years the people they work with or the in laws they are eating out with may not need to know their private life.

"Judgmental, I am not judgmental, I just think you're a freak."

There are a huge variety of lifestyle choices out there, each one is unique and each one fits the individuals involved in it. As long as all individuals involved in a situation, scene or relationship are consensual... then who are you or anyone else for that manner to judge them. Some people like the human pets, some people enjoy age play, some are attracted to transgender individuals, some like whips, some like canes, some like knives. To each his or her own, accept each other for what they have to offer, never judge another on your standards or expect someone to live as you think they should. There is enough bigotry and judgmental individuals in the outside world, do not bring it into our world as well.

Everyone needs time to learn, time to experience and time to grow, look to others within your local BDSM community and don't be afraid to ask questions. The only stupid question is one that was never asked.

As with everything this is my opinion, take what you will and leave the rest.

Do you know of some great events, workshops, or people in the community that you'd like to see featured on Kink-e-Zine? Then send all articles and announcements to us via the "Contact Us" page!

Thank you for making the SF Bay Area BDSM, Leather, Kink and Fetish community the colorful scene is is now, & forever will be!