"Once Upon A Time..."

Once upon a time. Once upon a time there was a girl who felt that she was not all that powerful. Or beautiful. Or intelligent. Or worthy of being of Service. Once upon a time her spirit was very much broken and she was really of no use to anyone or anything, especially to herself. she felt like a victim and was filled with anger and self doubt and resentment. she had so much confusion and she was very much lost. she couldn't see that she was special, how genuine she truly was in her desire to Serve. One of the key mentors in her life liked to compare her to a Ferrari. "you are a Ferrari," He would tell her. "You don't hand the keys of a Ferrari to a sixteen year old. It is a waste." she didn't understand and quite honestly, believed that He was seeing something that just wasn't there.

Fast forward button. June, 2008. Almost immediately, she felt as if she was Home. The energy surrounding her was filled with so much love. Power. Magic. And she met someone. A Man. A Dominant. A Master. And she was able to hand the keys over to Him and He drove beautifully. she felt cared for. Honored. Cherished. Protected. she had the sense that He knew what she was almost from the start and appreciated that this wasn't the easiest car to drive and yet, didn't seem concerned. And she was able to dive quite easily into His energy stream. Magic. It became magic for this girl because everything rushed back in and she knew that who she was, what she was, was valuable.

Rewind button. Once upon a time, this girl became quite frustrated and disheartened when it came to Service. In many ways, she became bitter and was almost to the point in which she doubted that she even liked Service. she was beginning to feel that she was a farce, like so many out there who claimed that they enjoyed it, but the reality was far from the fantasy. This girl was filled with fear because her identity was threatened and she was starting to feel quite lost. Service began to exhaust her rather than energize her. Service became synonymous with "chore" and it frightened her.

Fast forward button. June, 2008. she met a Man. A Dominant. A Master. And almost immediately, she wanted to Serve Him. To do anything that He requested of her. she wanted to meet as many of His needs as she could and the more needs that she was able to meet, the more energized, the more content, the more centered and connected, she became. There was a sense of trust in Him. she felt that He took what He did seriously. That He knew that it wasn't some trivial game and that there was a lot of responsibility that came with taking on the role that He had chosen in His life. she felt that the energy between T/them was a two way street. she understood that He was not coming from a place of entitlement or arrogance, like many that she had Served in the past. And this made her feel honored and cherished and it only fed into her desire to Serve Him more.

Pause button. There were some challenges. There were challenges because she felt torn even though the weekend was beautiful. In so many ways, this girl wanted her complete attention to be on this Man. This Dominant. This Master. But she also knew that she was not Owned by Him and therefore, she had to make some decisions that she didn't necessarily want to make, such as when and in what capacity she should spend time with other people. she would find herself engaged with another and yet at the same time, she would find herself seeking out His Voice, looking around to meet His gaze, feeling like she was being disobedient or disrespectful even though she knew that she was not breaking any agreements or protocols. Even so, she felt herself wanting to ask for permission, wanting to give Him more of her power and knowing that she couldn't.

Fast forward button. The Scene. she was terrified of the Scene and yet she wanted to go through with it more than anything. And this girl was able to because she felt held by this Man. This Dominant. This Master. she felt that she could walk through the fire because He was there on the other side. she trusted that He would catch her if she fell and could handle it if she broke down and because of this, she was able to embrace her own strength and power and light and fear and pain. she felt His eyes on her the entire time. Watching. Observing. Enjoying Himself but at the same time, valuing her and having an appreciation of what and who she is. And afterwards, when it was over, He sat her down and wanted to know what was inside of her head and in her heart and this made her want to please Him even more and His wisdom inspired her.

Sunday evening she knew that her time with this Man would be ending soon. This Dominant. This Master. And it was a struggle because she wanted to hang on to every last drop of energy exchange. This girl wanted to melt into Him. she tried not to think about it too much but also knew that she needed to prepare herself. she slept on the floor that night and listened to His breath. This girl grew feverish at one point when He reached down and stroked her hair as He slept because she was so charged. she knew that in a matter of hours she would have to disconnect with Him and she had to accept it and be grateful for the time that T/they had spent together, and she hoped that she could be brave when that time came because she wanted Him to be proud of her when T/they said goodbye. And that time did indeed come. It was inevitable. Don't all stories come to an end sooner or later?

Play button. Present day. This girl woke up this morning wondering if this Man had eaten breakfast. This Dominant. This Master. Would He ask her to bring Him pop tarts and cranberry juice if she were there? And the sadness entered her heart because she knew that she would not be the one who would Serve Him breakfast and that maybe, just maybe, He would be doing it Himself and this really unsettled her. And today, this girl is back in her waking life and she honestly does not want to be here right now because she had a taste of heaven and really, the world that she is living in right now is so much less colorful and fulfilling. she still feels a bit disoriented. Like she has walked outside and the light is just way too bright. The sounds are too loud and the air is too thick. But she also knows that it is what it is and she needs to be in gratitude today because she had the experience that she had and she knows that He would want her to be in a place of gratitude right now and somehow, that makes it easier.

Once upon a time. June, 2008. There once was a girl who received an amazing gift from a Man. A Dominant. A Master. He let her see that she is a Ferrari and that to hand the keys to a sixteen year old is a waste. He helped her to see that she is valuable. Powerful. Intelligent. Beautiful. And yes, worthy of being of Service. This Man. This Dominant. This Master. He helped her to believe in herself once again and to cherish who and what she is and to also realize how important it is for her to not hand over the keys to just anyone who comes along. It isn't safe. It isn't smart. And He also helped her to see that she needs to wait. Be patient. Because this girl is genuine.

This girl is not a farce. And she is rare and special and not everyone who she comes in contact with her will know or understand what she is. June, 2008. This girl. her life has been forever changed and she will eternally be grateful to this Man. This Dominant. This Master.

June, 2008