Since I was a kid I've had a thing for women's shoes, not necessarily wearing them but rather appreciating the feminine foot that wore them. I like to watch BDSM Lesbian movies like” Chanta's Bitches”, but I also picture myself in a scenes of "Captive Male".

I've had sessions with  Pro Dommes and told them to do what they want to me but so far they have not been able to do anything that really turned me on. The fact of the matter is that I was more concerned with them having a good time then me. Actually the same thing happened when I went to the cat houses in Nevada (I am almost 60 and never been with a woman and decided to get that off the bucket list). However,  it didn't happen, I got her off several times doing oral sex but she never got me off. I was more concerned about her enjoying herself than me.

I've been to the Citadel. I've attended a couple of classes. The classes were informative and I've had some of what I've learned done to me but after the scene started it got boring. Seems like I get all enthused about trying something but get very disappointed when it doesn't make me feel good.

My current ultimate fantasy is to be kidnapped by a gang of Dommes, dressed up like a woman, tied, flogged, waxed, flamed, raped and forced to service them.

So Miss T.... what am I? Besides screwed?

PS: it doesn't help that I am always depressed, afraid of my shadow and never feel like I belong.

You are talking about a life long tendency of yours that you have sought help for. The first thing I would do is stop being so hard on yourself. It sounds like you have tried really hard to find your sexual niche. Have you considered that your fantasy world is much more interesting than the real world? There is nothing wrong with this, it just means looking at your issues from a different perspective.

Since you have tried Pro Dommes, I would try them again. This time don’t worry about their pleasure. That is not why someone goes to the Pro. Most Pro Dommes appreciate someone being kind to them and paying their fees. There is nothing more frustrating for a Pro Domme than to have a client who will not tell them what they want. Telling her to so what she wants does not give her any clue as to what you need. After all, she is providing a service and wants to do it well. It sounds like you like to adore feet, perhaps just go in there with that in mind.

As for having sex with a prostitute, do consider that your sexuality might not be centered in your dick. This does happen and it's not as uncommon as you think.

Another thing you could try is to just go to the local dungeon with the intention of making friends. You might find out a lot of us have the struggle between what turns us on in our minds, our fantasy world and what happens in play. Many people cannot relax enough in real life to get to the place they can get when they let the story form their our mind. There is nothing wrong or screwed about this unless that is the perspective you decide to stay in. We often forget that we can change how we view something, we can change our perspective with a little work and guidance.

I am dating this girl who is really into kink and I am a little familiar with but don’t really have a clue at the same time can you help me?

The fact that you are asking for some help indicates you are on the right track. The worst thing you could do is pretend you have more experience than you do. You do not say what kind of kink, nor whether she is a top or bottom. This really does not matter unless you are unclear of what she wants.

The first thing I would do is get some sort of idea as to what kind of play she likes. There is no reason to take a class on caning if she hates the cane. Also, studying to be a Dom won’t work if what she desires is to tie you up and have her way with her. When you do talk to her, do it in a casual way. Most likely it is a conversation that will happen over time, with you learning a bit more each time you discuss it with her.

Do you have a question for Miss T? Ask her anything at misst@kink-e-zine.com.